The Mind Mysterious
by Eve
Photo of the Author, Eve


As hatred permeated my being,
I felt strong, very strong, for a while...
As bitterness crept into my soul,
I felt strong, very strong, for a while...
As unforgiveness made my heart as solid as stone,
I felt strong, very strong, for a while...
Unknown to me, the hatred, bitterness and unforgiveness
Were causing small, imperceptible holes in my spirit,
And without my knowledge, my psyche began to crumble...
Day by day, minute by minute,
I began my tumble
Into darkness and unknown terrors.
When it was almost too late
I began to understand something was wrong...
In desperation I felt I had to do something
To alleviate the awfulness, the emptiness,
But I knew not what...
I did know I had to let the hatred,
Bitterness and unforgiveness go --
They were becoming uncomfortable,
And even though I could still smile,
The hurt was deep within, growing larger all the while...
And I realized I was a blight upon myself.
I had seen hatred's face
With its evil, putrid, vile composition.
It had seeped inside, spoiled, rotted,
And left a writhing mass of discontent
That reached out to destroy everyone and everything
That tried to touch or speak to me.
In horror I stood beside myself,
Seeing myself do and say things
I didn't want to do or say...
I had no idea these things could wreak
Such torture upon mind, body and soul!
I had no idea of the price I would have to pay!
Looking at life with reddened eyes, having cried
From such absolute agony, I said
With strength and conviction,
"I can put together the pieces of my life
And be better than before!
I can do it all on my own,
And I can do it my way!"
But I did not know that I had plunged
Headlong into a bottomless hole,
Blinded by the darkness inside and out...
The many pieces of my life, caught up
In a whirlwind of turmoil and strife,
Were staying just beyond my reach --
And I began to understand that I needed
Someone or something else
After enduring years of struggle
And untold agonies on my own,
And still on the path of self-destruction,
I found something called

An all-encompassing love --
For self and all mankind --
That involves truth, honesty, compassion,
Handshakes and soft hugs,
Listening, understanding, encouragement,
Faith and hope for better things to come,
That buoys up the spirits of friends who need that love,
That allows us to treat all people
As much-loved sisters or brothers --
That allows mistakes to be made,
And includes forgiveness of one's self
And of others -- for real or imagined things!
A seed of this love found roots
Within my heart and began to grow...
The strength of its roots began to
Break up the stone in my heart...
The beauty of its blossoms soothed my soul
And began to drive out the weeds of
Despair and hatred...
Those weeds have now withered and dwindled enough
That I think perhaps they shall never
Again be able to take root and overwhelm me...
And I've learned the seed of love cannot thrive
In an empty soul, in utter desolation --
Nor can it survive the poison of
Malice and discontent.
It has to be nourished by faith and hope,
So it can become a guiding light
It's taken a long time, but gradually I've found
The 'easy way' is not usually the best --
I've had to forgive and then forget,
That's the truth of it,
For until I could, happiness eluded me.
Joy comes mostly from within, not without...

To be able to care and to know someone cares for you,
To be together, to share love and laughter,
To be able to trust without fear or doubt
And not be totally alone
Are satisfying, ultimate goals of human existence.
I sometimes feel as though this mortal life
Might really be a test,
And upon this earthly battleground we choose
Between the dark side of life and the bright...
The soul is a tricky thing,
And seems to be filled with either love or hate --
Two powerful forces that can push farther apart
Or draw closer together --
Two complete opposites, of each we have the choice,
Allowing one to be our passion in life --
For they do not mix.
In the middle is a grey world
Of neither dark nor light --
And there it is easy to lose our niche in life...
And if we battle alone, we might give up too easily,
Sinking slowly into the blackness, existing only,
With coldness and nothingness as constant companions --
Trapped in a nightmarish, deep dark void
With no joyous emotion or feeling,
Strength depleted, a tortured mind,
No peace inside, reeling
From untold, unspeakable misery!
Can it be true that love leads to
Happiness and peace and
Can perhaps last an eternity?

If death is not the end of life
As we dare know it,
And we must dwell infinitely
With the life we make
And the emotions we feel
While here in this garden called Earth --
Then we indeed have a choice --
And we can create our own Heaven ... or Hell!
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